So here I am, 30 weeks, three quarters of the way there. And what a rollercoaster ride it has been!
I remember crouching in the toilets at my new work and the disbelief of that second faint pink line (yeah, I took some poetic license with the name of my blog, the first one was actually pink!).
I remember the disbelief of six more faint lines and digital confirmations and the doctor quoting me an HCG level.
I remember the scary angry face that greeted my words “I need to talk to you about something…” and the frozen shocked face that followed.
I remember not being able to believe that it was real, I remember dreams about miscarriage and checking for blood every single time I went to the toilet.
I remember thinking that after the first scan, I would stop worring and really trust that I was having a baby and that she was going to be alright. Then I thought the second scan would do that. Then I went for a third because I just had to see again that she was alright.
|Little bub face at 29 weeks|
Now that I have reached the third trimester and know that even if she were born now, she would have a huge chance of surviving with the right care, I finally pretty much believe that I am having a baby. But it doesn’t stop me worrying about her.
I get the feeling that, maybe, this is a worry I’m going to have to learn to live with for the rest of my life.
Pregnancy really is a rollercoaster. There are good days and teary days and fat days and tired days. It occured to me that pregnancy is kind of like having a UTI, gastrointestinal disease, mild bipolar disorder, sinusitis, chronic fatigue syndrome and some kind of aggressively growing abdominal tumour all at once!
And yet, it’s not like any of those things. Because even when you’re feeling at your lowest, totally shattered and wondering who invented this whole “pregnancy glow” bullshit, it’s often just at that moment that you’ll feel a little wriggle in your tummy or a foot tickling your ribs.
And in that moment, you just know – you would do anything for her.
|30 weeks – one quarter left to go!|
Although she is still a fairly quiet little girl, Daddy C has managed to feel a couple of little wriggles now. I really love being able to share a bit of her with him. I am slowly accumulating baby things and thinking about when to finish up at work – probably in another two weeks and I can’t wait! I definitely feel like my body is slowing down – suddenly an afternoon at the footy is the most exhausting thing I could do, sending me to bed at 8:30 pm like a nana and still leaving me struggling to get up for work 9 hours later!
I’m looking forward to having a few weeks to chill, read my baby books, listen to my hippy hypnobirthing CDs and just generally… prepare. I have this inexplainable sense that I just need… time – time to rest, time to think, time to ready myself in some way for what is ahead of me.
I’m looking forward to enjoying my last few weeks of being pregnant, and more than anything – I can’t wait to meet our little girl and give her all the cuddles I’ve been saving up for her.